How to stuff up a burger
July 21st 2008 02:51
A hambuger, is a thing of simple beauty. It alarms me to report, that I have noticed a trend where the wonderful burger has been the victim of severe ruination at the hands of food snobs, let me outline the issues at hand for the modern hamburger:
Don't mess around with greatness, I don't want a fusion burger, I don't want a lamb pattie with hoi sin onions and Turkish bread.
Chips on the side are strongly advised, no wank fest sweet potato chips or cumin parsnip fries either, no tricks, just regular potato chips.
Please slice the bread so it is thinner than an office block, at some point it will need to fit in my mouth.
No cheese? No chance.
Sauce is compulsory.
There should be more meat than lettuce on every burger
Onion is the friend of the burger, cooked or raw, I expect it to be there
The bread must be toasted, if it is not toasted, it is a glorified sandwich
Beef is the staple meat of the burger, chicken burgers are for women watching their weight and hippies, keep it beef.
The following thing is not an extra, rather a necessary item, such as a lifevest is to a cruise ship, as is bacon to a burger.
Burgers should never ever cost more than $14.50
No trick ingredients, there should be no cucumber, capscium, carrot on a burger. The only acceptable vegetables are, lettuce, tomato, onion and maybe beetroot.
Premade burgers are a disgrace, please cook to order.
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Comment by TimmyH
Tech News
Can you HACK it?
Genyration
Nothing in this world is worse than finding uncooked meat on a burger...spew!
Tim
Comment by Anonymous
Onion must be cooked.
PICKLE and MAYO mandatory.
Turkish bread makes a nice change to a daggy sugar infused burger bun.
Toasting should be optional... bring on the glorified sandwich!
Further, i find the mainstream, anti snobbery approach (pricing aside) of the reviewer strange, as I know she is a big fan of the jamie oliver balsamic roast potato. So there.
Comment by tigtog
Totally agreed that it's not a proper burger unless it's got cheese, onions and bacon.
Comment by tigtog
J should stop that at once before J goes blind.
Comment by Hansika
Vegetarians like pies too!